I entered a pole dancing competition despite my aversion to them, and learned that competing in the pole community and in general, unless it’s with myself, isn’t my bag but I’ve finally come to terms with admitting it.
The thought of competing with other people has always turned me off. I’m not afraid of it, however, I’d rather stay on the outskirts of a culture where we are taught to care about toxic opinions and to constantly be better, faster, smarter, stronger and intimidated by other people, seemingly without compassion. It creates an unhealthy environment that’s easy to get caught up in even when you try not to.
I realize that some competition with others is inevitable like, in the event of a job application. I’ve also participated in spelling bees, board games and things of that nature, so I am not oblivious but I don’t like what it does to people, self included, and now I realize that I just shouldn’t compete if I absolutely don’t have to, especially with regard to pole dancing.
I started pole dancing in 2011. For me, it has always been about fitness, strength, friends and confidence. I even worked up enough courage to perform in two showcases but there aren’t enough opportunities to simply just perform. It seems that many people in the pole dancing community seek validation in the form of competition, as if this is the only way to convince the rest of the world that pole dancing should be considered an actual sport but I digress. Eventually, I came across the chance to enter said competition (it doesn’t matter which one) and while my intuition begged me not to do it, I applied anyway. I figured it couldn’t hurt and reasoned with myself that it would be a good opportunity to perform and grow as an artist.
I didn’t get chosen and I immediately began beating myself up. I doubted my skills, wondered why I wasn’t good enough, chastised myself for entering and compared myself to dancers who made it–finding things that I felt were wrong with them that I could have done better. That is a version of myself that I don’t like. It’s one thing to constructively criticize yourself within reason, but succumbing to feelings of inadequacy is a recipe for falling into despair. Rejection is natural and common but it doesn’t always mean that you’re not good enough. It can simply means that it isn’t your season, but sometimes reasoning disappears when competitions are involved because we throw ourselves to the mercy of judgement and forget our other major triumphs, particularly trying in the first place.
I fell in love with pole for the camaraderie and the understanding of how hard it is and how much work it takes. Yet the culture of competitions seems to diminish those notions by forcing people to live up to expectations that may not be suited for them based on a variety of factors (body type, flexibility, etc). I’m not bashing competitions and I’ll graciously attend one since the dancers are amazing and inspiring, but they’re simply just not for me so, I’ll continue working on my personal craft until a neutral showcase comes along. Now enter patience, another life lesson that has yet to sink in.
I have fallen off the fitness wagon but that doesn’t stop me from keeping up with some of my favorite resources–primarily on Instagam–for motivation, tips and tricks. I plan to get back on at some point soon but in the meantime, check out some of my favorite Fitstagram accounts for fitness inspiration.
Warning: This account will make you hungry. But it’s cool, he posts healthy food. Fitness is probably 80% what you eat, so this account is a good guide for recipe ideas. You can find Spanish and English tutorials detailing how to make delicious, quick but whole foods in 15 second videos.
Not only does this company make bad ass pole apparel–and they’re fellow PD Blogger–but they host photo challenges and cool flicks of customers doing epic pole dancing stuff.
Koya Webb is a holistic health and nutrition coach who eats primarily raw vegan. She also appears to be the happiest person on Instagram, seriously. Most of her flicks involve yoga movements, happy frolicking, enticing pics of vegan food from her travels and inspirational quotes.
Follow the Lita really does follow Lita’s fitness journey. She’s big on building muscle and strength, and provides demos and tips along the way. She is also big on being a #thickfitchick as you will find the hashtag all up and through her feed.
I’ve been trying to have at least one smoothie a day ever since doctors told me to get my iron up. I’ve struggled with anemia my entire life but I know that drinking your greens can help your body their nutrients absorb faster than eating them. I incorporate this tactic by having a breakfast smoothie at least five days a week (Note: you can eat this whenever, I just prefer the morning). My go to blend is this usually either mixed berries or just strawberries, banana, spinach (and sometimes kale), honey and almond milk (and sometimes yogurt).
It’s simple.
1 cup (or a handful) of berries.
1 ripe banana.
1 cup (or a handful) of spinach (or desired dark leafy greens).
1/2 cup yogurt (I love Fage)
1 tablespoon of honey (I sometimes use dates).
Blend and enjoy.
You can also add water to taste depending on how liquidy you want your drink.
In the case that you want to use almond milk instead of the yogurt, go for about 1 cup but again, that depends on how thick or thin you want your drink.
My first attempt at street pole in New Orleans, summer 2013.
A lot of my curious girlfriends ask me what pole dancing is like, and I also have some who have tried it but stopped because it made them feel awkward. I often feel like a pole mother hen in these situations, as the one in our circle who has continually kept up a pole practice, often explaining to them that going to your first pole dancing class will most likely be intimidating, especially if it’s a mixed level class. I also encourage them to try again, if they weren’t completely mortified, because it can also be rewarding as long as you go in with an open mind, prepared for a real work out and understanding that it can be an amazing adventure. There are other good break downs about what to expect during your first pole dancing class floating around the web but here’s my take.
Finding a Studio
Finding pole dance classes can sometimes be a trial and error experience but most likely your first class will be a referral from a friend or through a Groupon type service. Go with the flow and see what happens. If you like it, don’t be afraid to continue to explore different places. I’ve found that various pole dancing studios can be good for different things depending on your personal goals. Some have a culture that fosters students to compete while others are more about empowerment, wellness and camaraderie, so it depends.
The Uniform
Ignore my sad attempt at foot pointing.
The basic beginner pole dancing uniform is short shorts and a tank top. Your teacher, however, will probably be wearing the community standard along the lines of a sports bra and boy shorts. If it’s a mixed level class, the more advanced students will also be wearing some variant of a bra and panties.
Ease Into it
You may feel awkward and uncomfortable at first but that is natural. Pole dancing isn’t natural. You’re asking your body to accomplish extremely hard feats of strength while also challenging gravity. It’s not going to happen overnight. People advance at different speeds and some moves may be easier than others based on strength level, body type and flexibility. Keep working at it until you figure out your style and what works for you.
What to Bring
Pole dancing can be an intense strength training and cardio workout (as a beginner you’ll probably do more spins and dancing on the ground) so bring water, shakes (if that’s your thing) and snacks like fruit and nut bars (I love bananas and Kind Bars). You’ll also potentially need grip. Finding the right grip is also a trial and error experience that depends on a variety of things from how much you sweat to the room temperature. My favorite grips are iTac 4, Dry Hands and Tite Grip (I use the latter two the most). All of the above can be found at Amazon.com.
Feeling Awkward
On top of feeling silly because you may not be able to execute moves fluidly, you may also find yourself uncomfortable with your body or seeing other people’s flesh. Keep in mind that various parts of your skin will serve as points of contact for the pole, which is why polerinas tend to wear skimpy clothing. There are also lots of moves involving flashes of crotch (like the vagina monster, for example). I felt awkward at first but the feeling faded after about a month of classes and after about six months of classes, I too felt completely ok with frolicking in a sports bra and boy shorts (initially I’d just wear cut off t-shirts and soccer shorts). If you are squeamish and can’t get over yourself or the ample bodies on display around you then pole dancing may not be for you.
The Warm Up
Using the pole as support for working on my headstands.
Pre-pole warm ups are hard core. They are my least favorite part of the class but a necessary evil. Typically you can expect to do a combination of Pilates and yoga-inspired stretches and core conditioning. We also use the pole as a conditioning apparatus (pull ups, invert drills, aerial crunches etc).
Expectations Vs. Reality
The most common lament I hear from women is that they’re not strong enough.
Newsflash: Everyone starts with a blank slate. You have to crawl before you can walk. You have to jog before you can sprint. You have to spin before you can climb, and you have to build strength and confidence before you can truly become bad ass. Everything in pole is trial, error and gradual. You may have moments where you think you’re doing one thing but discover that what played out in your mind was not actually what you did and that’s why we practice–to get better, to be healthy and most importantly, to have fun. Be patient, don’t beat yourself up and understand that you are awesome simply for being brave enough to take the class.
Safety First
In my experience pole dancing hasn’t been any more or less dangerous than when I did more traditional dancing and sometimes tumbling (where I have sprained ankles, fingers and wrists several times). It’s important that you warm up properly and request a spotter when you are feeling insecure. Never attempt a trick, even if it’s a spin on the ground, if you don’t feel stable. Always ask for the proper points of contact and make sure you stretch and nourish yourself properly after class.
Prepare to be Amazed
Your body can do some awesome things. This is something you will learn with experience.
Teresa Scott and I used to work for the same publishing house, and one thing that always struck me about her was that she seemed so cool, approachable and down-to-Earth. Her energy made a lot of sense to me after I learned about her passion for boxing because, in my mind, it’s hard to break someone’s spirit when they’re grounded in something that they truly enjoy. She has found a way to not only thrive on her passion but use it as a way to inspire other women.
For Scott, what started out as a hobby to lose weight and stay in shape has become a business. She left her career in publishing to move forward with Women’s World of Boxing and it’s going well. Looking at her physical condition now you’d think she was born boxing but she didn’t start until adulthood, and that is why I felt it was important to share her story. She graciously explains how she got involved in boxing and why she encourages women to give it a try.
How did you fall in love with boxing?
That is an interesting question! How does anyone fall in love with something or someone and at what point do you realize and accept that it is in fact love? My first recollections of love and boxing are of the way boxing made me feel. I was 215lbs, overweight, over my career and over not feeling passionate about anything.
When I started training ten years ago there were very few women in the gym. It was the typical old school, “man’s world” of a boxing gym and just walking in was a challenge on most days. Between the trainers unwillingness to train women and the male clientele uncomfortable training with women, it wasn’t the most welcoming environment. It made training even harder so there was no love there. It was getting through everything that made it hard, overcoming the hard combined with feelings of accomplishment and eagerness to go back and train harder the next day is when I realized I was in love with boxing.
At what point did boxing become less about weight loss and more about maintaining it as an everyday lifestyle?
Being overweight my entire life, everything was about my weight and size. I was always “healthy” until I wasn’t. I was 30 and my doctor informed me that I had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was at risk for diabetes and heart disease. I had just started boxing so I figured I would train, weigh in, track my progress and check back in with my doctor in 6 months.
The funny part about that tracking process was after training for hours every night at the gym I was too exhausted to track or weigh anything! Boxing requires so much discipline and focus that for the first time my focus was not on my weight or my size. It was on training, what I was learning and discovering all the things that my body was capable of.
When it came to my diet, foods that I had previously considered comfort foods or reward foods were replaced with thoughts of all that hard work I had put in the gym. I no longer wanted to reward myself with things that weren’t good for me and I found comfort in feeling my mind, body and spirit grow stronger. So I would say the lifestyle shift would be when I stopped saying, “I can’t have that, I’m dieting” to “I no longer want that because it’s not good for me and I choose better because I want and deserve better for myself.”
What’s your diet like these days and why does it work for you?
I maintain a low-carb, high protein, gluten free as possible and meatless diet. It works for me because it fuels my body instead of leaving me with feelings of being weighed down.
What is Women’s World of Boxing and what lead you to want to share your passion with other women?
When I started boxing, a week would not go by that one of the guys at the gym would say to me, “this is a man’s world and you have no business here.” I told them I had no interest in being apart or disrupting their world, I simply planned on creating my own which is how I came up with Women’s World of Boxing. I wanted something that didn’t exist. A welcoming, safe environment where young girls and women can come to learn how to box and train hassle-free surrounded by a community of supportive and inspiring women.
What do you know now about women and boxing that you didn’t know then?
That women follow the sport and probably know more about boxing than the average guy.
What are some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned about yourself going from working a nine-five to a full time fitness entrepreneur?
I’ve learned the importance of time management, maintaining a balance, connecting and networking with other fitness entrepreneurs, and reaching new prospects. When you work for someone else, even if you hate your job or employer, there is comfort there knowing that as long as you show up and do your job, you will see a paycheck in two weeks. I’ve learned to find comfort in creativity and uncertainty. There is no nine-five when you work for yourself, there is just now and yes.
Give me three reasons women should consider boxing.
Reason #1: It releases stress.
Reason #2: You will apologize less.
Reason #3. They will discover strength they never imagined they had.
What are your goals and intentions for this year in terms of career and life in general?
I intend making history opening Women’s World of Boxing independently in 2014 by being the first woman-owned, women-only boxing gym in NYC. I intend on franchising WWB nationwide and manufacturing boxing apparel and gear for women of all sizes. I intend starting a WWB Girl’s Club and summer camp to focus on empowering girls through the sport of boxing, and host related health, fitness and mentoring events. So I guess in terms of both life and career goals, my intention is to share my life/boxing experiences with the hopes of making a difference.
Anything else you’d like to add?
I encourage women to try it. If it’s for you, you will know it and if it isn’t at least you will know that it isn’t.
I got a hold of several Shea Moisture products during a trip last summer to New Orleans for the Essence Music Festival and have been up to my neck in trying out the product. That is a good thing, especially with regard to Shea Moisture’s Problem Skin Moisturizer with Tamarind and Tea Tree Oil from their African Black Soap line. As you can see, the packaging says the product’s goal is to clear and balance blemished, oily skin. My skin isn’t oily, it’s more combination than anything but man oh man does it have problems with acne!
It’s rare that I find a face moisturizer that doesn’t make me feel like I just slathered lard on my face so I’m always skeptical. When I first noticed how thick this Shea Moisture stuff was, my side eye was on high alert. But I was wrong!
Details: It’s thick, like I mentioned, but a little bit goes a long way. Do you see that bit on my finger in the photo above? That is enough for my entire face. I’ve had this thing since last July and have been using it twice a day for at least four times a week so think about it, July 2013 to March 2014 and I still have a bunch left. You can’t beat that for $11.9 at Target. Plus, it doesn’t feel too heavy and doesn’t clog my skin. It makes my face feel soft and supple (sorry to be cliche, but it’s true) and doesn’t seem to break me out. Score!
It has a mild sweet smell that, to me, is neither pleasant nor bad but if you’re a fan of Tamarind scents then that is the driving smell and you’ll enjoy. It’s also paraben-free and not tested on animals (snaps for the hippy-bohemian divas).
The Verdict: I’ve found a new face lotion worth incorporating into my daily routine.
Cons?
Nope. I like it that much. Talk about serendipity!
I was physically the strongest I had ever been when we moved back to New York in November but then I stopped working out. Fastforward to today, I am a weakling, mentally and physically, and it’s breaking my heart yet I’m still paralyzed.
I haven’t been to a pole dancing class since right before Christmas, and the one time I poled after that was for my participation in a High Heeled Hottie Night. It was then that I realized how much luster I lost when it comes to poling and life in general. I’m even struggling to write this.
Actually, I’m struggling with finding the motivation to do anything. I have absolutely no passion, no spark and no desire and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been working for a long time toward dreams and goals but getting nothing in return but stress and trauma and so, I’ve shut down. I used to fight this feeling by continuously moving and doing but it seems like the more I move and do, the more I hope and wish, the more things collapse, so I’m allowing myself to be at an impasse.
I initially began this about pole but it’s obviously deeper, as in, depression again, and I’m tired of talking and thinking about it so I am just going to stop for now. Maybe if I don’t fight or try this time something good will happen instead of how it usually goes. Maybe my brain will recharge and I’ll stop being a shell of my former self.
I stumbled upon the featured photo (pictured above) in a Facebook group and found it so striking that I couldn’t resist reaching out to find out more about the woman in the image. Her name is Nicci Morris, and she’s a writer, editor, entrepreneur, yogi and new mom who makes it a priority to find daily zen amid bedlam.
I asked her to share her tips for practicing yoga successfully, making time for workouts even with a baby, finding peace when life gets hectic, and how she brings foodies together in the name of love.
How has fitness played a role in your life? Were you active as a child or did you get more involved in pursuing your well-being as an adult?
I was relatively active as a child. I ran track and played softball for a little while. I wish I had been more active though. I was more into writing and reading. As I got older, I became more interested in fitness and health. I earned my certification as a fitness trainer in my early 20s. I plan to do so again this year. Yoga instructor certification is also on my to-do list. I fell in love with yoga in 2010 and have been delving more into my practice since then. I tried Kemetic yoga for the first time last year and I definitely felt a deep mind-body connection. I plan to explore that deeper.
What’s your diet like and why does it work for you?
On a good day, I eat 100 percent plant-based. Complete veganism is my goal. I was raised eating meat so it’s a work in progress. But for ethical and health reasons, my goal is to get to the point where I don’t consume any animal products. Since I had my daughter, Amina, last August it is more important to me than ever that I am as health-conscious as possible. I want to be in great health for her and I also want to give her a good, clean start with plant-based nutrition.
Photo Via Nicci’s Instagram.
You’re big on morning smoothies. What are some of your favorites and why do you start your day like this?
I love smoothies. I am an early-riser, but I am so not a breakfast person. However I look forward to my morning smoothies. I keep them to a ratio of 50 percent greens, 30-40 percent fruit and the rest is nuts, chia seeds, hemp hearts, oats etc… for fiber, protein and healthy fats. Add water to get the consistency you desire and blend away. They’re filling and I’m energized for hours afterward. I can’t get enough of my NutriBullet.
Do you have any food weaknesses? If so, how do you find balance between binging and exercising self-control?
For me, it’s not so much about managing the type of food as it is about managing my emotions. I am an emotional eater/non-eater. When I have allowed my stress to get the better of me, I have struggled with over- or under-eating. Neither are the answer, so I work to keep that in check and have more patience with myself and others on this journey called life.
Credit: www.bluetreasurephotography.com.
How have you been able to balance new motherhood with a zen lifestyle, work and keeping up with your practice?
Let me start by saying it is not easy. But I believe a happy mommy leads to a happy baby. I have to take great care of myself to take great care of my daughter. I have had to swap frequent 90-minute hot sessions for shorter unheated sessions at a studio closer to my home, on demand via cable and poses and stretches when and where I can.
I was not thin to begin with, so I only gained about 20 pounds during my pregnancy. I lost most of that within the first couple weeks after I had her. But I found that everything had changed. I’m still figuring out this post-baby body because I am exclusively breastfeeding and plan to for at least another six months. Just drinking enough water and eating the right foods requires serious planning.
There was an incident late last year when I allowed myself to become extremely upset. I actually felt the adrenaline and cortisol kick in and I felt the negativity of that situation move through me. The next few days I noticed a dramatic decrease in my milk production. I know it was a direct result of that stressful situation. That hit home with me and I’m so grateful for that life lesson. Never again will I allow stress – especially centered around something over which I have no control – to affect my health.
Is there an ideal body type for practicing yoga?
I’ve been the largest woman in the studio and I’ve been the smallest woman in the studio. I’ve been the only black woman in the room and I’ve been in classes where nearly everybody was black. None of that truly matters in life and it certainly doesn’t matter in yoga. Yoga is about union with your divine self. Everybody can benefit from this ancient practice. If we all did nothing more than center ourselves and remember everything can be accomplished as long as you have time and breath, the world would be a much better place.
What advice do you have for potential yoga newbies?
My advice to the newbies is to breathe deep and focus on their journey. Remember that the person in the front of the class who moves from tree to toe stand with such ease and grace was not always able to do so. Focus on your practice and your connection with your divine self. If you do that on a consistent basis, the rest will come.
But I also have advice for the instructors and the people who have been practicing for years. Be kind. Be patient. Make your studio/classes inviting and create an environment that allows new students to peel back the emotional and physical layers as they begin their practice.
While there might be books/videos that help people, I think the soul-to-soul connections work best. I also believe we benefit from having an instructor. There have been times when I was ready to go deeper into a pose, but for whatever reason I didn’t realize it. A good instructor can help you make adjustments and also push you to take your practice to another level when you don’t even realize you can.
If you run across a less-that-ideal instructor (I have and it wasn’t pretty!), don’t let that sour you. Try a different class or a different studio. You will find the right place for you.
Explain the concept behind your site, LoveandFood.com.
The mission of LoveAndFood.com is simple: To help people develop rewarding relationships by cultivating the deep connection between love and food. It’s online dating for food enthusiasts. I happen to believe people who love to cook and eat tend to be the most passionate, nurturing and thoughtful people around. Yes, I’m biased…
But seriously, I think of LoveAndFood.com as the modern-day twist on meeting the love of your life in the grocery store. In addition to the ability to search, flirt and chat with other members, we will also have meetups in larger markets across the country. It will be a great way to meet other singles and to support non-chain restaurants.
What are your goals and intentions for 2014?
My goals are to love well, eat well and live well.
The only thing that matters is the thing that doesn’t change. The only thing that doesn’t change is love.
Chipotle’s tofu sofrita’s are expanding to New York and New England, yes! According to the Huffington Post, who reached out to the company, the vegan option is coming to new territories starting March 3. It’s already available in over a dozen states and nearly 40 percent of Chipotle restaurants already have the Sofritas burrito.
It looks like this:
There aren’t many moments when I’m not craving Chipotle (I do control myself, though). I always go for the gluten free (I’m in a battle with gluten that I’ll discuss later) vegetarian option, which leaves me with the veggie bowl and the same ingredients in rotation, so it will be nice to have a different veggie option.
To put things into better perspective, you know how Kel feels about orange soda, right?
Shout out to the 90s kids for understanding that one but that’s how I feel about Chipotle.
Better late to the party then never!
And now we wait to see which NYC branches get them first.
I am professing my love for West African dance in this digital space, and hopefully convincing you to take some classes in the genre. I have been obsessed with body isolations and rhythm since I was a child (it’s in my blood), so I was thrilled when I finally started taking African dance classes at age nine. I was a stiff wannabe ballerina until then.
There’s something about drums (especially the djembe) that just moves my soul. I like all types of music but I really need drums to feel it entirely. A lot of my feelings about West African dance (and music) makes so much more sense to me after having gotten a DNA test that showed me to have ancestry from Ghana/Ivory Coast (the latter being the birthplace of mapouka). Now that I know, I want everyone else to know it too.
Speaking of knowing, I found myself in a conversation with a pole dancing colleague who lamented the fact that she couldn’t twerk and I suggested that she take some African dance classes. Not only is it a fun workout as long as you get out of your head (because there is no counting, you just dance until you hear the break), but it’s great for the abs, for creating better body isolations (which is great for hip-hop and break dancing), and also for your rhythm.
Don’t believe me? Then take it from Beyonce. It has been months since the video for “Grown Woman” began circulating but I am still in love with it because of the African influence (Beyonce also did this with “Run the World Girls”) and I’m sad that no one (outside of my friends and I) seems to care enough to talk about it. So…
Watch the entire video, or skip to the part with the beat switches at 2:35.
